You Can File Me Under Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous:

2. Having a variety of characteristics, abilities, or appearances.
3. Concerned with diverse subjects or aspects.

My Mum used this word (and the phrase "mixed bag") to describe me (in a nice way) today, when I once again regaled her with my struggle to be myself. When I try to be who people expect me to be I only end up feeling frustrated and unfulfilled, like I've cheated myself.

It's like looking at a cube and only seeing a square. Presenting the same side every time only reinforces the idea that that is who I am. I am a certain way. Inextricably stuffed into my allotted box.

She gave the pertinent example of the time in form one when I declined the option of even signing up for "Force 5" (an outdoor adventure elective). Force 5 would've been good for me: camping, kayaking, orienteering, rock climbing, abseiling, going bush etc. All things I was interested in and came to enjoy when I finally experienced them years later.

Instead I chose horticulture (because that sounded good too) only to find that no one wanted to be in that class as it was their last choice. After all this was what was expected of me. No one expected me to exult in the thrill of the great outdoors, to heed he call of the wild, but to paint rubbish bins and tend my dowdy tomato vine. They only saw me as a mouse to torment, who would rather read, knit, dance under the trees by myself or hide in the toilets. Surely, such a person is incapable of being adventurous.

To be fair, with a maximum of only two from each class, the odds were not in my favour, but the point is: I didn't even try because I was worried about what people might think.

And the truth? I thrive on the outdoors. I'd take trails and mountains and beaches and rivers and bush and campfires over screen-sucking and paper shuffling any day.

I have a mind for science but art is in my fingers. Sometimes I carefully place each stroke of paint, others I squelch my hands into the clay. I admire the gentle breeze for presenting my nostrils with a subtle fragrance and relish the wild winds of a perfect roller coaster. I like to shoot the breeze but only in a small group. I bake dainty cakes and cook a mean curry (seriously, it takes no prisoners, slaughtering all but the hardiest of stomachs). I've dabbled in ventriloquism, memorised books, played the tambourine. I dress up and put on silly voices. I take long walks as far as my legs will carry me and sometimes I just lie on the grass and watch the clouds or name the stars.

But usually you do not ask so usually I do not tell.

Prof. Dr. Ir. W.J. van Blommesteinmeer

Is one of the largest reservoirs in the world located in the South American country of Suriname. It is named after the hydrological engineer Willem Johan van Blommestein. The locals call it Brokopondo.

I came across this in my internetual travels today and thought "Is this surely not the strangest or longest name for a reservoir?"

Something Strange

...happened this evening. Sarah had just gone out but I thought I caught a glimpse of someone walking past the window. Thinking she'd forgotten something, I waited for her to round the corner and come up the back steps. But no one came. I was fairly certain I'd seen someone or something disappear behind the brick wall.

I had to investigate.

Yanking the ranch-slider open, I couldn't immediately see anyone, so just stood and waited. I was about to waltz on out, when I heard the rustle of dead leaves and saw the silhouette of a human form scuffling in the undergrowth outside my bedroom, and thought better of it. I slunk back in to the safety of the house, all the while wondering what my next course of action would be.

Then as suddenly as she'd arrived, she left, just casually strolling back down the driveway.

I never did find out what she was doing. I have strong suspicions though, owing to the evidence left behind.

Armchair Archaeology

This is a 'little' something I wrote/transcribed about a year ago, enjoy...



I just have a feeling you'd better stop now and delete this email if you don't ever want to try and attempt to understand chaotically random stuff.

but I've been noticing lately that when I sit down on my two seater couch, there is not enough room to stretch out so I thought I would catalogue a cross-section of my life by writing down exactly what IS taking up all the room beside me. Here goes....

The latest Farmers Mother's Day and Beauty Catalogue (complete with plastic wrap -no actually, true to my style, that is scrunched up in a heap on the floor!)
Comm. Bible study booklet on the "Symbols" series
Bible (AV)
CDs: 2 Scripture memory songs by integrity music (Encouragement & God's Grace), chillout worship, sons of Korah: resurrection, 2 Hymnstyle vocals (Down-Home Gospel & Country Church), and 2 of the "New Zealand's 25 Favourite Praise & Worship Choruses(#s 4 & 5).
Unopened Telecom bill
Tamil dictionary and phrasebook
Maps of CHCH (book and fold-out form)
"Challenges in Cytology" Picture Manual for the recent workshop on Confronting Difficult High Grade Lesions
RWT Deduction certificate for year ending March 2006
DVDs: Showboat and Gladiator
Unread THE STAR from monday 24 April
Journal
Webster's Dictionary 1991 paperback
RCC Contact Guide
Book containing hymns that I copy down from the internet
4 books: The Air I Breathe, Captivating, "authentic beauty" and Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them.
2 empty envelopes, one from the bank and one from church
A heap of (what looks like from this point of view) junk mail: Pak'n'Save docket $20.81, 16 Belfast bus timetable, DSE Warranty booklet, last night's used tissue, telecom bill for 23 march (I paid this one -I think so, I hope so), bank statement, tolls and internet bill (I also think/hope I paid this one too), another empty bank envelope, Warehouse catalogue issue #38, Mitre 10 5 day bonanza(apr581), Warehouse stationary, office max, Spag's Pizza menu mmmmm, in home childcare, Mitre 10 Mega (apr948), Mitre 10(apr751), Mitre 10 Mega Handtool sellout, The Warehouse, M10 (apr587), Warehouse stationary, office max, In-home childcare, M10 Mega (apr948), M10 (apr751), M10 Mega hand tool sellout, Spag's pizza mmmm, M10 (apr751) (?dejavu anyone?), Westfield Promotion, Best buys, Farmers big brand holiday sale, Damart (wrap intact), other half of my toll and internat bill and direct debit authority form, St Albans Neighbourhood News april, Unread CHCH Mail april19, sheet of bird stickers (one missing), another empty bank envelope (they sure do seem to like wasting these on me!), mail for one of the past tenants (unopened), mail "To the Proprietor", Mitre 10 (apr749), empty envelope from church, The Warehouse, another bank statement, Money saver coupon book, Spag's Pizza mmmm (Ahhh, alright already so I'll go and buy some pizza), Gamesman, Farmers easter holiday sale, psis, easter money savings, quality education, inside page of a church newsletter, CHCH Mail april 12, Farmers easter holiday sale, Gamesman, psis, easter money savings, quality education, Ezibuy Autumn Update, Net Tel Newstalk, Bendon outlet, Footlocker, Harvey Norman, Plastic box, More offspring from aforementioned church newsletter -look, here is the mother too!, SHOWERS from CMCT, Ezibuy Autumn Directory 06, the Realtor, a cuddly toy!(no really, I'm kidding)
The Dog & Lemon Guide
"Masters of Deception" an optical illusion book by Al Seckel
Net Tel envelope (Man, that was hard to write it was almost evelpope, envelpoep, envelpope, enveploep, every time I went to write it, I knew it had to be different but the right combination just wasn't coming out).
Whitcoulls receipt $9.99
greg laurie ticket thing
fine tip felt pen, blue (but hey, what other colour would it be?)
art/ideas/picture notebook
"this is not a toy" plastic bag
tightly folded square of creme egg wrapper
Michael Hill diamond collection (catalogue)
Bible CEV
Hair straightener
Two black sleeves I hacked off a top ages ago
My photos from India
4cm of black cotton
A triangular, Square-shaped blue cushion
2 off-white cushions
And finally the last layer: the couch itself and the blue cover thereof.

So now you know, after that brief foray into the archaeological depths of my couch what exactly it is that hinders the comfort of the sitter. No more, no less. This is not intended in any way to be a true or accurate representation of my house or life. This project was born out of pure curiosity on my behalf and resulted in my couch being able to breathe easier -it only has me to contend with now. Ha ha ha.....

Hope this brightened your day er, night or you'll never know if you did the sensible thing I told you to do at the beginning. And if you have read this far congratulations! You have just proved me right in my assumption that human nature is innately curious (or that some people have waaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands).

Tree Climbing

Why I ever thought a skirt and jandals would be respectable attire to go tree climbing in I'll never know. But somehow I found myself up the top of our crabapple tree emcumbered by said articles of clothing. It proved to be worth the effort and we now have two jars of mighty fine crabbaple jelly(jam). That is, after I stewed them up and strained the juice and added the sugar and boiled the blackbird germs completly away. Now, who will help me eat the jelly?

Random Shop

What three things (and only three things) would one never usually buy in this combination from the supermarket?

Well, here they are:

1. Wedding card
2. Can of tomato paste (with garlic and herbs)
3. Methylated spirits


SIT COM

After lugging this lot home through blazing sun and scorching heat I plonked my booty on the counter and declared "I'm THIRSY!" at the precise moment I revealed the meths. Momentarily causing the girls to assume I'd bought it for some reason other than it's intended purpose (which was to rinse paint brushes, of course).

Can I just say that that was the most horribly pungent meths I've ever chanced to smell? It was so gross! (Later that night we added milk to it -just to see what would happen -yep, it curdled. I knew we should have tried lighting it on fire, now, why did we not? Oh yeah, I'm trying to keep up the cover of 'responible adult' and I didn't want to wreck my bowl)

Flying Hat

My "random act of kindness" today was well, precisely that: random, but I didn't really have any choice in the matter. One split-second I was walking behind a group of people on this, an inordinately buffetous day (thanks to the infamous Canterbury Nor'wester you understand) the next, my hands shot up to protect my face from a U.F.O. Any thought of actually catching said object, utterly dashed by an appalling track record of eye-brain-hand coordination; yet there it was. Somehow lodged in my grasp, a camel velveteen baseball cap, which I swiftly returned to it's grateful owner.