Armchair Archaeology

This is a 'little' something I wrote/transcribed about a year ago, enjoy...



I just have a feeling you'd better stop now and delete this email if you don't ever want to try and attempt to understand chaotically random stuff.

but I've been noticing lately that when I sit down on my two seater couch, there is not enough room to stretch out so I thought I would catalogue a cross-section of my life by writing down exactly what IS taking up all the room beside me. Here goes....

The latest Farmers Mother's Day and Beauty Catalogue (complete with plastic wrap -no actually, true to my style, that is scrunched up in a heap on the floor!)
Comm. Bible study booklet on the "Symbols" series
Bible (AV)
CDs: 2 Scripture memory songs by integrity music (Encouragement & God's Grace), chillout worship, sons of Korah: resurrection, 2 Hymnstyle vocals (Down-Home Gospel & Country Church), and 2 of the "New Zealand's 25 Favourite Praise & Worship Choruses(#s 4 & 5).
Unopened Telecom bill
Tamil dictionary and phrasebook
Maps of CHCH (book and fold-out form)
"Challenges in Cytology" Picture Manual for the recent workshop on Confronting Difficult High Grade Lesions
RWT Deduction certificate for year ending March 2006
DVDs: Showboat and Gladiator
Unread THE STAR from monday 24 April
Journal
Webster's Dictionary 1991 paperback
RCC Contact Guide
Book containing hymns that I copy down from the internet
4 books: The Air I Breathe, Captivating, "authentic beauty" and Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them.
2 empty envelopes, one from the bank and one from church
A heap of (what looks like from this point of view) junk mail: Pak'n'Save docket $20.81, 16 Belfast bus timetable, DSE Warranty booklet, last night's used tissue, telecom bill for 23 march (I paid this one -I think so, I hope so), bank statement, tolls and internet bill (I also think/hope I paid this one too), another empty bank envelope, Warehouse catalogue issue #38, Mitre 10 5 day bonanza(apr581), Warehouse stationary, office max, Spag's Pizza menu mmmmm, in home childcare, Mitre 10 Mega (apr948), Mitre 10(apr751), Mitre 10 Mega Handtool sellout, The Warehouse, M10 (apr587), Warehouse stationary, office max, In-home childcare, M10 Mega (apr948), M10 (apr751), M10 Mega hand tool sellout, Spag's pizza mmmm, M10 (apr751) (?dejavu anyone?), Westfield Promotion, Best buys, Farmers big brand holiday sale, Damart (wrap intact), other half of my toll and internat bill and direct debit authority form, St Albans Neighbourhood News april, Unread CHCH Mail april19, sheet of bird stickers (one missing), another empty bank envelope (they sure do seem to like wasting these on me!), mail for one of the past tenants (unopened), mail "To the Proprietor", Mitre 10 (apr749), empty envelope from church, The Warehouse, another bank statement, Money saver coupon book, Spag's Pizza mmmm (Ahhh, alright already so I'll go and buy some pizza), Gamesman, Farmers easter holiday sale, psis, easter money savings, quality education, inside page of a church newsletter, CHCH Mail april 12, Farmers easter holiday sale, Gamesman, psis, easter money savings, quality education, Ezibuy Autumn Update, Net Tel Newstalk, Bendon outlet, Footlocker, Harvey Norman, Plastic box, More offspring from aforementioned church newsletter -look, here is the mother too!, SHOWERS from CMCT, Ezibuy Autumn Directory 06, the Realtor, a cuddly toy!(no really, I'm kidding)
The Dog & Lemon Guide
"Masters of Deception" an optical illusion book by Al Seckel
Net Tel envelope (Man, that was hard to write it was almost evelpope, envelpoep, envelpope, enveploep, every time I went to write it, I knew it had to be different but the right combination just wasn't coming out).
Whitcoulls receipt $9.99
greg laurie ticket thing
fine tip felt pen, blue (but hey, what other colour would it be?)
art/ideas/picture notebook
"this is not a toy" plastic bag
tightly folded square of creme egg wrapper
Michael Hill diamond collection (catalogue)
Bible CEV
Hair straightener
Two black sleeves I hacked off a top ages ago
My photos from India
4cm of black cotton
A triangular, Square-shaped blue cushion
2 off-white cushions
And finally the last layer: the couch itself and the blue cover thereof.

So now you know, after that brief foray into the archaeological depths of my couch what exactly it is that hinders the comfort of the sitter. No more, no less. This is not intended in any way to be a true or accurate representation of my house or life. This project was born out of pure curiosity on my behalf and resulted in my couch being able to breathe easier -it only has me to contend with now. Ha ha ha.....

Hope this brightened your day er, night or you'll never know if you did the sensible thing I told you to do at the beginning. And if you have read this far congratulations! You have just proved me right in my assumption that human nature is innately curious (or that some people have waaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands).